The Wager
by Neko Oni
Summary: IchiHitsu. Hitsugaya makes a bet with Matsumoto that his naive boyfriend Ichigo will believe anything Hitsugaya tells him about Soul Society.  Even that Hitsugaya's pregnant. Not an actual mpreg.


. I really, really don't know where this one came from. I just had so much fun writing "The Seahorse Effect" that I just HAD to do one with Ichi and Hitsu. I've just been on a pregnant Toshiro kick lately, and this is my way of having fun and playing around with the idea.

SUMMARY: Toshiro makes a bet with Matsumoto that his naïve boyfriend (Ichigo) will believe anything Toshiro tells him about Soul Society. Even that he's pregnant.

WARNINGS: yaoi, m-preg, (not an actual m-preg, but if you're uncomfortable with the idea, GET LOST ), references to sex, Shiro's naughty potty mouth

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach

PAIRING: IchiHitsu

NOTES: You should be able to tell from the summary that this is chalk full of crack. And not so full of an actual pregnancy, male or not.

And I do NOT want to hear any whining about how you hate m-pregs, they're not natural, blah, blah, blah. Stupid, did you read the warnings in big, capital letters? If you did, and you read this anyway, then whine about it, you're what the comedian Carlos Mencia calls a Dee Dee Dee. So do us both a favor and get lost now.

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THE WAGER

By Neko Oni

"P-pregnant?" Ichigo stared slack-jawed in shock, wide eyes focused on Hitsugaya's flat little belly.

"Yes." The tiny taichou of the tenth division rolled his big, pretty eyes, as if explaining that a male shinigami was pregnant was an everyday occurrence.

Ichigo spluttered, mouth opening and closing but no sounds coming out in a remarkable imitation of a mentally retarded fish while Hitsugaya regarded him coolly. How could the little icicle act so normal? He was the one with a baby in his belly! "B-but…" Finally, he became capable of vocalization. "You're a boy!" He finally bust out, still with a wild-eyed look of shock and dawning horror.

Hitsugaya shrugged slim shoulders and leaned against the wall of Ichigo's bedroom. "I'm a shinigami." He said that as if it explained everything. "Where were we when we last did it?"

"Did…it?" Ichigo mumbled blankly, still confounded by the bombshell his dear, dead lover dropped on him.

"Sex, you idiot. Where were we the last time we had sex?" Hitsugaya snapped.

"Huh?...Oh…Oh!" Ichigo colored slightly as the lightbulb in his head went off. Hitsugaya held his gaze steadily. Flustered, Ichigo blinked and looked away. "In your office. I took you on Matsumoto's desk." His face went redder at the memory of Hitsugaya, soft and sweaty beneath him. Even when half crazed with lust, the little shinigami had the presence of mind to snarl at Ichigo not to lay him on his own neat, orderly desk, and to use Matsumoto's because hers was already a mess.

Hitsugaya nodded curtly. "And where's my office at?" he asked in a very Nanao-like voice.

Ichigo stared at Hitsugaya like he was the one acting mad. His boyfriend. His pregnant boyfriend. His Toshiro. Having a baby. His baby. He was going to be a daddy. Suddenly, the world shifted alarmingly, making Ichigo feel dizzy. "In Soul Society." He managed to choke out.

"Very good." Hitsugaya acted as if her were talking to a child, or a highly dangerous loon who might snap at any moment. "And what's Soul Society made of? Besides dead people."

"Spirit particles."

"Yes. And what does reiatsu consist of?"

Ichigo blinked. It was getting harder and harder to focus; his thoughts tumbled over one another. Pregnant. Shiro. Pregnant Shiro. He shook his head slowly, in a daze. "Look, Shiro, I know you're trying to tell me how it happened, but I don't get it."

Hitsugaya growled in frustration and punched the wall with his little fist. He stomped over to where Ichigo sat on the bed, grabbed the bigger boy by the shirt collar and shook him roughly. "You stupid ass! In Soul Society, bodies are made of spirit particles. Our spirit particles contain our reiatsu! When we fucked, our reiatsu exchanged and combined. And. Now. I'M PREGNANT!" He finished yelling in Ichigo's face and gave him a final shake for good measure.

All that throttling hadn't helped Ichigo's thought process. If anything, it made it worse. Pregnant. Toshiro. The news finally started to penetrate the layers of shock. He got his Shiro-chan pregnant. Hitsugaya was going to have a baby. And he, Ichigo Kurosaki, was the daddy. A baby. Diapers. Bottles. Sleepless nights. Endless crying. Slender little Toshiro round and heavy with child. Highchairs. Strollers. Would it be a boy or a girl? Toshiro screaming in labor.

That took his train of thought to a whole new level. His brain felt rather foggy and his vision blurry. He struggled to make sense of it all. "S…so…you're pregnant. With my baby." He said slowly, as if just beginning to grasp the concept.

"Yes!" Hitsugaya cried in exasperation.

"Oh. Okay." With that, Ichigo's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he promptly passed out.

Far from looking concerned, Hitsguaya smirked. The closet door creaked open and Matsumoto popped out. Hitsugaya turned to give her a triumphant grin. "I TOLD you he'd believe anything I told him about Soul Society. So now you owe me a week's worth of paperwork."

Matsumoto wilted. "That's no fair, taichou!" She wailed.

"Hey, you're the one who made the wager." Still looking like a cat that ate the canary, Hitsguaya jumped out the window, followed reluctantly by his slumping fukutaichou.

OWARI

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HAHA! And here you thought I actually made Shiro pregnant! snerks Nope, I was just being a snarkly lil ass and amusing myself.

Although, I do like m-pregs, for some odd, weird reason. I love reading them, but I just can't write them. I couldn't resist toying around with the idea, though, of Hitsu pregnant. Yes, my muses are twisted like that.

And for any rocket scientists out there who missed the surprise twist, Hitsu really is NOT pregnant. He and Matsu made a bet that Ichigo would believe anything Hitsu told him about Soul Society. So Hitsu came up with the most ludicrous thing he could think of- him pregnant- and convinced Ichigo it was true. Get it? It was all a joke. Not real.


End file.
